I Know Which Stair Creaks: New Parent Gift Tee

The extraction. The transfer worked, and now you have to get out of the room and down the hall without producing one sound. You have a memorized route: the near edge of the third board, skip the fifth, handle held turned until the door is shut. It is a skill nobody knows they are building until they have it.

A stranger reads a burglar. Or a teenager getting back in at two, or the opening of a ghost story. Burglar is the confident landing, and it is a genuinely funny thing to be wrong about while looking at somebody holding a diaper bag.

Set as a property survey label with THIRD BOARD, NEAR EDGE along the bottom, which is the finding. There is no illustration, because a drawing of a staircase would explain the joke and remove it.

What it is

• Unisex softstyle tee, 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• 100% ring-spun cotton in the solid colors. Sport Grey is a 90% cotton, 10% polyester blend, and Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• Double stitched neckline and sleeves, side seamed, tear away label
• Sizes S through 3XL
• Fourteen colors. Seven light ones printed in near black ink, seven dark ones printed in cream

Where it comes from

Custom printed in the USA. Every shirt is printed here, one at a time, on a soft cotton blank woven overseas.

Nothing is printed until you order it, so nothing sits in a warehouse and nothing gets thrown away.

Getting it to you

Free US shipping on orders $45 and up. Under that it is a flat $8.00. We make it after you order it, which takes 2 to 5 business days, and it then takes 3 to 4 business days to reach you from a US facility. Most orders arrive in 5 to 9 business days. You get a tracking number by email as soon as the label is created.

Care

Machine wash cold, inside out, gentle cycle. Tumble dry low or hang dry. Do not iron the print.

The Natural colorway

Natural has small dark speckles through the fabric. That is the undyed cotton showing, and it is expected rather than a fault.