I Am Not a Swimmer: Whitewater Kayak Paddler Tee

In whitewater, a swimmer is a person who has come out of their boat in a rapid and is now in the river. Saying you are not a swimmer is a claim about your roll rather than about anything you can do in a pool. Every paddler reads it correctly and instantly.

Everyone else thinks the wearer cannot swim, which is an absurd thing to print on a shirt, and the absurdity is the joke. It is a clean inversion: the inside read is a boast and the outside read is a confession.

Stamped as a skills check with ROLL VERIFIED along the bottom, plain and deadpan. Deadpan only, because any styling starts to make it look like a posted notice.

What it is

• Unisex softstyle tee, 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• 100% ring-spun cotton in the solid colors. Sport Grey is a 90% cotton, 10% polyester blend, and Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• Double stitched neckline and sleeves, side seamed, tear away label
• Sizes S through 3XL
• Fourteen colors. Seven light ones printed in near black ink, seven dark ones printed in cream

Where it comes from

Custom printed in the USA. Every shirt is printed here, one at a time, on a soft cotton blank woven overseas.

Nothing is printed until you order it, so nothing sits in a warehouse and nothing gets thrown away.

Getting it to you

Free US shipping on orders $45 and up. Under that it is a flat $8.00. We make it after you order it, which takes 2 to 5 business days, and it then takes 3 to 4 business days to reach you from a US facility. Most orders arrive in 5 to 9 business days. You get a tracking number by email as soon as the label is created.

Care

Machine wash cold, inside out, gentle cycle. Tumble dry low or hang dry. Do not iron the print.

The Natural colorway

Natural has small dark speckles through the fabric. That is the undyed cotton showing, and it is expected rather than a fault.