{"product_id":"i-am-not-a-swimmer-whitewater-kayak-paddler-tee","title":"I Am Not a Swimmer: Whitewater Kayak Paddler Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eIn whitewater, a swimmer is a person who has come out of their boat in a rapid and is now in the river. Saying you are not a swimmer is a claim about your roll rather than about anything you can do in a pool. Every paddler reads it correctly and instantly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone else thinks the wearer cannot swim, which is an absurd thing to print on a shirt, and the absurdity is the joke. It is a clean inversion: the inside read is a boast and the outside read is a confession.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStamped as a skills check with ROLL VERIFIED along the bottom, plain and deadpan. Deadpan only, because any styling starts to make it look like a posted notice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhat it is\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex softstyle tee, \u003cstrong\u003e4.5 oz\/yd²\u003c\/strong\u003e (153 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e in the solid colors. Sport Grey is a 90% cotton, 10% polyester blend, and Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble stitched neckline and sleeves, side seamed, tear away label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S through 3XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFourteen colors. Seven light ones printed in near black ink, seven dark ones printed in cream\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhere it comes from\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCustom printed in the USA.\u003c\/strong\u003e Every shirt is printed here, one at a time, on a soft cotton blank woven overseas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNothing is printed until you order it, so nothing sits in a warehouse and nothing gets thrown away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eGetting it to you\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFree US shipping on orders $45 and up. Under that it is a flat $8.00. We make it after you order it, which takes 2 to 5 business days, and it then takes 3 to 4 business days to reach you from a US facility. \u003cstrong\u003eMost orders arrive in 5 to 9 business days.\u003c\/strong\u003e You get a tracking number by email as soon as the label is created.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eCare\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMachine wash cold, inside out, gentle cycle. Tumble dry low or hang dry. Do not iron the print.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eThe Natural colorway\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNatural has small dark speckles through the fabric. That is the undyed cotton showing, and it is expected rather than a fault.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"NestBrooks","offers":[{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":47779843342492,"sku":"NB-OD-30-WHT-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":47779843375260,"sku":"NB-OD-30-WHT-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":47779843408028,"sku":"NB-OD-30-WHT-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":47779843440796,"sku":"NB-OD-30-WHT-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779843473564,"sku":"NB-OD-30-WHT-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779843506332,"sku":"NB-OD-30-WHT-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ S","offer_id":47779843539100,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NAT-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ M","offer_id":47779843571868,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NAT-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ L","offer_id":47779843604636,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NAT-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ XL","offer_id":47779843637404,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NAT-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779843670172,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NAT-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779843702940,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NAT-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ S","offer_id":47779843735708,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SND-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ M","offer_id":47779843768476,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SND-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ L","offer_id":47779843801244,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SND-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ XL","offer_id":47779843834012,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SND-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779843866780,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SND-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sand \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779843899548,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SND-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ S","offer_id":47779843932316,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SPG-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ M","offer_id":47779843965084,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SPG-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ L","offer_id":47779843997852,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SPG-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ XL","offer_id":47779844030620,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SPG-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779844063388,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SPG-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Sport Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779844096156,"sku":"NB-OD-30-SPG-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ S","offer_id":47779844128924,"sku":"NB-OD-30-ICE-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ M","offer_id":47779844849820,"sku":"NB-OD-30-ICE-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ L","offer_id":47779844882588,"sku":"NB-OD-30-ICE-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ XL","offer_id":47779844915356,"sku":"NB-OD-30-ICE-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779844948124,"sku":"NB-OD-30-ICE-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ice Grey \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779844980892,"sku":"NB-OD-30-ICE-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ S","offer_id":47779845013660,"sku":"NB-OD-30-LBL-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ M","offer_id":47779845046428,"sku":"NB-OD-30-LBL-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ L","offer_id":47779845079196,"sku":"NB-OD-30-LBL-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ XL","offer_id":47779845111964,"sku":"NB-OD-30-LBL-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779845144732,"sku":"NB-OD-30-LBL-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779845177500,"sku":"NB-OD-30-LBL-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Daisy \/ S","offer_id":47779845210268,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DSY-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Daisy \/ M","offer_id":47779845243036,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DSY-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Daisy \/ L","offer_id":47779845275804,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DSY-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Daisy \/ XL","offer_id":47779845308572,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DSY-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Daisy \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779845341340,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DSY-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Daisy \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779845374108,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DSY-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ S","offer_id":47779845406876,"sku":"NB-OD-30-BLK-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ M","offer_id":47779845439644,"sku":"NB-OD-30-BLK-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ L","offer_id":47779845472412,"sku":"NB-OD-30-BLK-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ XL","offer_id":47779845505180,"sku":"NB-OD-30-BLK-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779845537948,"sku":"NB-OD-30-BLK-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779845570716,"sku":"NB-OD-30-BLK-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ S","offer_id":47779845603484,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NVY-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ M","offer_id":47779845636252,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NVY-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ L","offer_id":47779845669020,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NVY-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ XL","offer_id":47779845701788,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NVY-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779845734556,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NVY-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779845767324,"sku":"NB-OD-30-NVY-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Forest Green \/ S","offer_id":47779845800092,"sku":"NB-OD-30-FGN-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Forest Green \/ M","offer_id":47779845832860,"sku":"NB-OD-30-FGN-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Forest Green \/ L","offer_id":47779845865628,"sku":"NB-OD-30-FGN-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Forest Green \/ XL","offer_id":47779845898396,"sku":"NB-OD-30-FGN-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Forest Green \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779845931164,"sku":"NB-OD-30-FGN-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Forest Green \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779845963932,"sku":"NB-OD-30-FGN-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ S","offer_id":47779845996700,"sku":"NB-OD-30-CHO-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ M","offer_id":47779846029468,"sku":"NB-OD-30-CHO-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ L","offer_id":47779846062236,"sku":"NB-OD-30-CHO-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ XL","offer_id":47779846095004,"sku":"NB-OD-30-CHO-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779846127772,"sku":"NB-OD-30-CHO-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Chocolate \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779846160540,"sku":"NB-OD-30-CHO-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ S","offer_id":47779846193308,"sku":"NB-OD-30-MRN-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ M","offer_id":47779846226076,"sku":"NB-OD-30-MRN-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ L","offer_id":47779846258844,"sku":"NB-OD-30-MRN-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ XL","offer_id":47779846291612,"sku":"NB-OD-30-MRN-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779846324380,"sku":"NB-OD-30-MRN-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779846357148,"sku":"NB-OD-30-MRN-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ S","offer_id":47779846389916,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DHR-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ M","offer_id":47779846422684,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DHR-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ L","offer_id":47779846455452,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DHR-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ XL","offer_id":47779846488220,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DHR-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779846520988,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DHR-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Dark Heather \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779846553756,"sku":"NB-OD-30-DHR-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ S","offer_id":47779846586524,"sku":"NB-OD-30-PUR-S","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ M","offer_id":47779846619292,"sku":"NB-OD-30-PUR-M","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ L","offer_id":47779846652060,"sku":"NB-OD-30-PUR-L","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ XL","offer_id":47779846684828,"sku":"NB-OD-30-PUR-XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 2XL","offer_id":47779846717596,"sku":"NB-OD-30-PUR-2XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 3XL","offer_id":47779846750364,"sku":"NB-OD-30-PUR-3XL","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0759\/3390\/9148\/files\/OD-30-light-blue_b57303fa-dfbf-4375-be4d-175714e765b9.jpg?v=1790771633","url":"https:\/\/nestbrooks.com\/products\/i-am-not-a-swimmer-whitewater-kayak-paddler-tee","provider":"Nestbrooks","version":"1.0","type":"link"}