{"title":"Parents","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe transfer that failed at the last inch.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"the-transfer-failed-new-parent-gift-tee","title":"The Transfer Failed: New Parent Gift Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe contact nap is over. Your arms went numb twenty minutes ago, you have spent four entire minutes lowering a sleeping child the last eight inches, and the eyes open at the exact moment your hands leave. There is no better known event in the first year and no phrase less known outside it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEveryone else reads a bank error. A declined payment, a corrupted upload, a deadline day signing that fell through. Every one of those landings is confident, and the flat wording is what sends them there.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStamped with ATTEMPT 4 above the line and set like a system message. No ornament at all, because the deadpan is the entire joke and decoration kills it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBought by the parent who has watched it happen from the doorway.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhat it is\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex softstyle tee, \u003cstrong\u003e4.5 oz\/yd²\u003c\/strong\u003e (153 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e in the solid colors. Sport Grey is a 90% cotton, 10% polyester blend, and Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble stitched neckline and sleeves, side seamed, tear away label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S through 3XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFourteen colors. Seven light ones printed in near black ink, seven dark ones printed in cream\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhere it comes from\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCustom printed in the USA.\u003c\/strong\u003e Every shirt is printed here, one at a time, on a soft cotton blank woven overseas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNothing is printed until you order it, so nothing sits in a warehouse and nothing gets thrown away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eGetting it to you\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFree US shipping on orders $45 and up. Under that it is a flat $8.00. We make it after you order it, which takes 2 to 5 business days, and it then takes 3 to 4 business days to reach you from a US facility. \u003cstrong\u003eMost orders arrive in 5 to 9 business days.\u003c\/strong\u003e You get a tracking number by email as soon as the label is created.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eCare\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMachine wash cold, inside out, gentle cycle. 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The transfer worked, and now you have to get out of the room and down the hall without producing one sound. You have a memorized route: the near edge of the third board, skip the fifth, handle held turned until the door is shut. It is a skill nobody knows they are building until they have it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA stranger reads a burglar. Or a teenager getting back in at two, or the opening of a ghost story. Burglar is the confident landing, and it is a genuinely funny thing to be wrong about while looking at somebody holding a diaper bag.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSet as a property survey label with THIRD BOARD, NEAR EDGE along the bottom, which is the finding. There is no illustration, because a drawing of a staircase would explain the joke and remove it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhat it is\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex softstyle tee, \u003cstrong\u003e4.5 oz\/yd²\u003c\/strong\u003e (153 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e in the solid colors. Sport Grey is a 90% cotton, 10% polyester blend, and Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble stitched neckline and sleeves, side seamed, tear away label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S through 3XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFourteen colors. Seven light ones printed in near black ink, seven dark ones printed in cream\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhere it comes from\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCustom printed in the USA.\u003c\/strong\u003e Every shirt is printed here, one at a time, on a soft cotton blank woven overseas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNothing is printed until you order it, so nothing sits in a warehouse and nothing gets thrown away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eGetting it to you\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFree US shipping on orders $45 and up. Under that it is a flat $8.00. We make it after you order it, which takes 2 to 5 business days, and it then takes 3 to 4 business days to reach you from a US facility. \u003cstrong\u003eMost orders arrive in 5 to 9 business days.\u003c\/strong\u003e You get a tracking number by email as soon as the label is created.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eCare\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMachine wash cold, inside out, gentle cycle. 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Both sentences keep their periods, and the first one is never printed on its own.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhat it is\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex softstyle tee, \u003cstrong\u003e4.5 oz\/yd²\u003c\/strong\u003e (153 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e in the solid colors. Sport Grey is a 90% cotton, 10% polyester blend, and Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble stitched neckline and sleeves, side seamed, tear away label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S through 3XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFourteen colors. 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The wrong read is a boast, so the typesetting has to sell the boast before the truth arrives.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBought by the second number on the form.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhat it is\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eUnisex softstyle tee, \u003cstrong\u003e4.5 oz\/yd²\u003c\/strong\u003e (153 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003e100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/strong\u003e in the solid colors. Sport Grey is a 90% cotton, 10% polyester blend, and Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDouble stitched neckline and sleeves, side seamed, tear away label\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes S through 3XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFourteen colors. Seven light ones printed in near black ink, seven dark ones printed in cream\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWhere it comes from\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCustom printed in the USA.\u003c\/strong\u003e Every shirt is printed here, one at a time, on a soft cotton blank woven overseas.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNothing is printed until you order it, so nothing sits in a warehouse and nothing gets thrown away.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eGetting it to you\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFree US shipping on orders $45 and up. Under that it is a flat $8.00. We make it after you order it, which takes 2 to 5 business days, and it then takes 3 to 4 business days to reach you from a US facility. \u003cstrong\u003eMost orders arrive in 5 to 9 business days.\u003c\/strong\u003e You get a tracking number by email as soon as the label is created.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eCare\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMachine wash cold, inside out, gentle cycle. 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